why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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