did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
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You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
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Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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