I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
