He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
