Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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