maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
