Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
