The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
