I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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