So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
