He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
