When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
