I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
