how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
