Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
