In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
PANTIES FOUND
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