i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
