im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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