dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
