He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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