u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
