Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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