But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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