if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
