worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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