1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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