You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
