He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
