like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
