i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
