I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
