fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
