how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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