the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
