Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
