ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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