He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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