I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
