thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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