dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
