dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
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I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
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Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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