bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
