Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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