So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
