I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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