he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
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What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
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I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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