i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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