why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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