Don't you send me to vm
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
