Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
