he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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