you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
