I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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