I wanna passion pit in your ass
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
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