Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
