just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
