you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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