i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
