wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
