He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
