Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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