Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
