you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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