I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
