we have officially lost it.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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