Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
