YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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