so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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