Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
