so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
