Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
