new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
