chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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