For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
