Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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