She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i will never coherently bang her
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
